Girl, look up to Jesus!

I entrust the chaos in my head to you.

Few voices are heard that speak on the turmoil that engulfs a soul weary with the weight of Martha moments. Moments when we acknowledge our Friend's voice in the background. He invites us to rest in his presence- a safe, strengthening, caring, and truth-telling presence. We know He is near, but tune him out to the duties and distractions of everyday living.

I feel like that girl who knows the dear, sweet boy longs for her and loves her, but she holds him at arm's length, testing his endurance — testing his devotion to her. Am I playing a game or am I so broken that I don't know how to accept and live with such passionate, wholesome love?

I know that He knows me. I know that He wants me. I know that He loves me.

I am incapable of reciprocating such pure devotion.

I can, however, humble myself and offer my heart, twisted and all, to Him. I can confess my weaknesses and hold fast to the truth that he loved me before I was even conscious of him.

In the face of condemnation, in front of my greatest enemy-the accuser, who flaunts my every disturbing, double-minded, fickle thought, attitude and action, I push through the crowd of ungodly feelings to look up at my Jesus.

Is he my Jesus? He said he is. He promised that he always would be.

Girl, I tell myself, look up to Jesus! He calms the storm of negative, self-deprecating thoughts that threaten your security. He clears the clouds of self-loathing and doubts to reveal the truth of his sacrificial devotion.

I look for his Word as for a love letter, long buried in my heart. I need to remember that my confidence doesn't rest in feelings but on confessed truths.

My lover chose me and courted me. My beloved waited for me. He devoted his life to save me.  He suffered on my behalf and died in my place.  He loved me! And he continues to be devoted to me. A lover turned husband, whose passion and desire have not wavered, nor have they diminished. He burns with faithful love for me.

So I ask- humbly, please make me a worthy bride. Continue to burn your love through all my junk. I want to know and love you more.

Help me rest in you. With you. Alongside you. Forever.